#16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
went through.'
#15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them awhile.'
#14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your
birth certificate a worthless document.'
#13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
#12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because
that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
#11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that
means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?’
#10 'Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?’
#9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not
to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
#8 'The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or
a dog?'
#7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn
dogs and step in monkey poop.'
#6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven.'
#5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
#4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
#3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but
now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
#2 'I'm glad to hear that the Sheriff is a personal friend of yours, so
you know someone who can post your bail.'
#1 'You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here.'
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