Ms. L,
I hate you. You fucked with my head and then trashed me.
I hope you got what was coming to you. You fucked me up bad but you
deserved whatever crap hit you from it. Did you enjoy your head fuck
of me? Did it make you feel powerful? Did you enjoy embarrasing me?
Did you think you'd get attention and sympathy? You thought you'd
look like a prime bitch while grinding me down... Is that what you
wanted? Fucker. You fucked me over but you got hammered too. Good.
You fucker. I just wanted to talk. Nothing more. You could have
helped me. I wanted you to know that I cared for you deeply. And
then say goodbye. "Us" was something that could never be and that
wasn't your fault. I'd rather my feelings had never been but they
were there. Was it that insulting that I had feelings for you? Why
did you have to degrade and embarrass me over that? I thought you
cared for me, at least as a friend, back then. I wanted to part as
friends but instead you kicked me in the teeth.
I love you. I always will.
I hope that fucker treats you right. I'm sorry you wound up with such
a chicken shit of a husband. Does he beat you? He's that kind of
guy isn't he? Pissy little chicken shit with a piss poor job.
Probably takes it out on you. Sorry for you. I would have treated
you well. You deserve better. I love you. I cherished your smile
and happiness. I would not disappoint you as a husband. I would
never abuse you as he does. I cherish your smile and would do
everything I could to make you happy and heal every hurt you had. You
deserve someone to care for you like that. That will never be me but
I hope you find it.
I don't know why I love you but I do. I connected with you on a level
that I've never felt before. Your smile had so much power. I loved
so much talking to you. I loved making you laugh. I know much of it
was just a fantasy but I know I also had genuine feelings for the real
you too. I just liked you and liked being with you. I wanted to
spend the rest of my life just being with you.
Did you really have no feelings for me? I looked into your eyes and I
saw something that looked like love. Was that love just an illusion
or did you lie to me? Did you think that lie would hurt me? Did you
think it would protect me? And if you really didn't care for me, how
could I have been so confused? Did you care for me or were you just
fucking with my head?
I'd love to know real answers. Answers I can believe. At the least,
I think you should have been straight with me. I think you owed me
that much at least but I don't think I got it.
Oh well. I hope you have a good life. I hope you don't think of me
too badly. I hope you forgave me for my stupidities. I hope you
understood I did not want it to become the ugliness it became. I hope
we can be friends again in heaven.
