Was this black guy sticking up for his own kind, or sticking up for
these two people for being my elders? There's no doubt in my mind that
he was sticking up for them, but why is the question? I would say it
because they're black. They only appeared to be in their 40's, but
they could've been in their fifties or close to 50. I wrote this
complaint letter to a job I used to have to call to their attention
that a former employee of theirs thinks he's the arbiter of what's
socially acceptable and the enforcer of his rules. I counted five
times, he defended black people and he never did it with any other
race and he was deadly serious all of the times he did. Should I send
copies of this letter to his kids. I remember that 19 years ago, he
had a daughter who was about two, she'd be old enough to read this
letter now. I could put it on the ****ches of his neighbors, but first
I'd have to hire a private detective to get me his address. He knew
the fat woman was obsessingly deluding herself that she was a career
girl and that she was on a giant power-trip, but thought it best to
take her side.
To Whom It May Concern,
This paper will examine how one of your assistant managers by the name
of Joel S_____
took the sides of two co-workers of ours, yet didn=E2=80=99t think they
were
really right, or did,
but only because of the color of their skin, their low networth and
how dumb of a job they
had, the overall plight of his people and what miscellaneous things
they had to endure as
individuals and because of one them=E2=80=99s weight etc..
In December 1987 or January 1988, I was in a friendly little debate
with Alton (a black
man who appeared to be well into his forties) about whether or not any
man in creation
can pick up any girl on the street. I had a sneaking hunch that
he=E2=80=99d
be of the opinion none
can; due to how it goes without saying it would turn him off to do
this himself because he
is a little Mr. Perfect, so I told him that I tricked this school I
went to into giving me this
girl=E2=80=99s address that I liked and that I was going to wait for her
outside her house and
pretend that I was bumping into her by happenstance; not because I
wanted to discuss my
plan with him, but just to see if he would tell me that no one on the
planet can or ever will
be able to do this. (It bears noting that me telling him that I
obtained the girl=E2=80=99s address in
such a non-kosher way, made him sick and all the more closed-minded to
what I was
telling him. That is, he concluded that this piece of information is
going to factor in about
whether or not I get rejected; as though she=E2=80=99s a mindreader thus
wi=
ll
find out what I did or
a little birdie will spill the beans or she=E2=80=99ll know psychically.)
O=
ur
debate wasn=E2=80=99t whether
or not in general this can happen, it was about whether or not any man
can pull off
picking up a girl if he=E2=80=99s picking her up on the street and whether
=
or
not there=E2=80=99s as much as
but one single singular sole solo solitary individual female out of
all the billions of them
on earth who wouldn=E2=80=99t mind if they met a man in this way.
I reckoned that since people get mugged on the street, since people
get arrested on the
street, since people get raped, murdered and buy and do drugs on
streets, since pimps,
child molestors and drunkards walk on streets, that he would not want
to go out with any
woman alive if the place where he asks her for a date is a place like
this and that he thinks
everyone in the world is like him. For all he knows, if he were to rap
to a woman he saw
on the street, a drug dealer could=E2=80=99ve stepped in the very spot
where
either he or she was
standing not two hours ago. If he psychically knew some man got
arrested three or four
feet from the very spot where they were talking, that would make it so
he would be even
gladder that he forwent getting any ***** (and vice versa if you ask
him). So if he had to
bet his life, he would bet this doesn=E2=80=99t ever happen because ALL of
=
the
women in the
world share his belief-system and have the same personality as him
because all people are
exacly like one another.
If he had ever known anyone who got a date on the street, he wouldn=E2=80=
=99t
have had the
brains to use this as evidence that it happens. I=E2=80=99d say the odds
are
that he must=E2=80=99ve known
about a few people who did.
I said to him something like, Say for the sake of argument that you
bump into a woman
on the street that you used to know through your circle of friends or
from a job and you
strike up a conversation with her and then ask her for her number, she
might give it to you
if she likes you. Then he shook his head no with a look on his face
that meant =E2=80=98that=E2=80=99s
ridiculous=E2=80=99. The look also meant, =E2=80=98yeah when a monkey
flies=
outa my
ass=E2=80=99.
I told him that last May I was walking down the street and some girl
says to me about her
friend =E2=80=9C[s]he likes you and that the girl referred to called after
=
me
and follwed me a few
feet, that she recited her telephone number for me two times and that
I told her that I
won=E2=80=99t be able to remember it and that I=E2=80=99ll go to a store
to=
buy a pen
and then she said
=E2=80=9C[y]ou can remember it=E2=80=9D and that I told her again that I
ca=
n=E2=80=99t and
that she told me again
that I can, but that I was only mildly interested, so after talking to
her a minute, I turned
around and went back on my way.
I told him that in April 1984, I was walking down the street looking
at this girl=E2=80=99s ass in
front of me and that she started to turn around and so I ****fted my
eyes away and heard,
=E2=80=9C[s]o cute so cute=E2=80=9D and that then I turned the corner and
w=
ent in
front of my friend=E2=80=99s
house and the girl was following me and walked past me acting all
awkard and nervous
and then that I crossed the street and waited for my friend on steps.
Then I told him that her friend was pulling her over to me by the arm
and the girl was
pulling back saying =E2=80=9CNo I can=E2=80=99t. I=E2=80=99ll die I=E2=80=
=99ll die.=E2=80=9D Then she said to
me, =E2=80=9CExcuse me, do
you have the time?=E2=80=9D and then put her head down. Then I said,
=E2=80=
=9CNo.=E2=80=9D
Then she asked
desperately, =E2=80=9CAre you sure?=E2=80=9D So I declared,
=E2=80=9CPositi=
ve.=E2=80=9D
Joel came by, so I said to him (I pretty much remember what I said to
him) something
like, =E2=80=9CSay that you run into a woman you used to know a few years
b=
ack
on the street and
strike up a conversation with her and then ask her out on date, she
wouldn=E2=80=99t turn you
down if she=E2=80=99s single and attracted to you?=E2=80=9D Then Joel
shook=
his head
no with a
peremptory smile. So I elaborated some more about how if she knows
that you=E2=80=99re not a
criminal and about how if she used to know you rather well, that she
probably wouldn=E2=80=99t
reject you just because you=E2=80=99re conversation happens to be taking
pl=
ace
on a street, and he
promptly shook his head no again like he did before.
Before I asked him the first time, I had guessed that he might stick
up for his own kind,
even though that was the first time he ever did it. I am a student of
human nature and so I
was checking to see if Joel wouldn=E2=80=99t like it that Alton was wrong
a=
nd
not me.
I can=E2=80=99t remember if Joel was around when I was telling Alton about
=
the
two girls who
tried to meet me on the street and that I used to have friends
who=E2=80=99=
ve
picked up girls on
the street, but if he was, he still would have told me No and it=E2=80=99s
more than likely that he
had known folks who=E2=80=99ve hooked up like that because--as you
know--mo=
st
people have.
This was in January or perhaps maybe February 1988. Right before that,
in the end of
December, or maybe that same month, I told him that on Christmas day
on the way to my
aunt=E2=80=99s house, I saw out of the corner of my eye, this girl on the
subway who was the girl
of my dreams, turning to look at me with this concerned look on her
face that always
means whoever has that look is staring at someone they are attracted
to and that I thus
turned to loook at her and that she=E2=80=99d get embarrassed and turn
back
and that this
happened about three times for like four minutes. So Joel criticized
me for not talking to
her. Then I told him that it was snowing, so I had on a cheap coat and
JOX Thom McAn
sneakers. So he responded by saying to me, and I quote, =E2=80=9CShe knew
you=E2=80=99re not a bum.=E2=80=9D
Now, the subways are pretty much the same environment as a street.
They=E2=80=99re notoriously
known to be violent, for muggings. The dregs of society ride the
subways, they=E2=80=99re filthy,
rat-infested. So if he thinks that I could have picked up the girl on
the subway, then he
would think that a man could pick up a woman on the street.
Alton was dead wrong and was of a retarded opinion and had a dumb job
and a
low-paying one Joel concluded. The two could go hand-in-hand for all I
think Joel
concluded. That is to say, Joel took into account that there=E2=80=99s a
possibility that I could be
thinking that Alton=E2=80=99s opinion AND job could be ramifications of
them
being intellectually
inferior.
Not only was Alton wrong, but I was right. This fact didn=E2=80=99t sit so
well with Joel.
(One thing the fool didn=E2=80=99t know is that if he did pick up a woman
on
the street, he=E2=80=99d
either get over it immediately (either before he took her out or
during), or--at the
most--after a short while it would only intermittently be on his mind.
It=E2=80=99s most likely that
right off the bat, he=E2=80=99d be so glad to have her that he
wouldn=E2=80=
=99t give a
hot pile. The second
most likely scenerio is that =E2=80=98twould diminish away to a total non-
issue and he wouldn=E2=80=99t
even think about it anymore. It=E2=80=99s either one or the other. My
guess=
is
that by their third
date, tops, if he took her to the movies, he would get used to the
notion that he procured
her at a non-ideal locale. Plus he=E2=80=99d factor in that he first met
her
someplace that=E2=80=99s
wholesome to them. Like, if they first met a few times at ... say ...
a friend=E2=80=99s birthday
party and then at a wedding, how they got together nould only not be a
fly in the ointment
to him, =E2=80=98twould mean jack and therefore, he could NOW at this
point=
in
time and
hereafter enjoy her company. Joel could figure this out like I did.)
Joel was able to gather that the brotha wasn=E2=80=99t feeling even a tad
stupid by having me tell
him the real deal about something that=E2=80=99s a fact of life everyone
knows, but was taking no
chances.
Some other day after that, I told Joel that Alton is a Mr. Perfect and
thinks that no one can
do anything that=E2=80=99s illegal, or amoral, or deceitful, or sleezy and
benefit by it. That no one
can get away without being arrested for buying a stolen car in order
to procure a car at a
cheap price, no one can trick a company that they=E2=80=99re applying for
a
job at into thinking
that they gradutated college, if you get back at someone who wronged
you badly over a
long length of time, you=E2=80=99re =E2=80=9Csick=E2=80=9D and not merely
v=
indictive. Then
Joel declared in a
voice and with an expression that was authoritative and knowing and
that meant he has
nothing but respect for Alton=E2=80=99s morals an I.Q., quote, =E2=80=9CHe
=
doesn=E2=80=99t
want to hear it!=E2=80=9D
To better describe his voice and expression, picture someone waving
their arm accross
their body while speaking. He didn=E2=80=99t do this, but I put forth a
body
language that would
go with his words and expression in order to more eloquently give you
a description of
what he looked and sounded like.
Plus Joel was hoping that I do or are planning to do some of the
things that I was
schooling Alton on; in order to make me feel amoral and like a fool
for not doing things
the right way. To take my focus off of Alton=E2=80=99s lack of reasoning
abilities and make me
focus on what would hopefully be a bad flaw or two of mine.
Once in February of that year, there was one pair of pants sticking up
a few inches out of
a rack of pants and so this Caribbean woman named Anne Marie _____
yelled, =E2=80=9CChris
straighten those pants!=E2=80=9D with an indignant, confrontative,
hostile,
livid, malicious,
revengeful voice, expression (frowning hard) and body language while
pointing hard to
the pair of pants and then the f_ckwit turned around with a hard/sharp
twist, so I smacked
my gums and then Joel turned around and smiled with an angry/blameful
look and then
said while smiling, =E2=80=9CDon=E2=80=99t click your teeth!=E2=80=9D in
an=
angry/blameful
voice. His voice,
expression, body language and words meant What the Hell=E2=80=99s the
matter
with you?!?! This
IS a real _woman of respect_ I tell you! You=E2=80=99re buggin=E2=80=99
Dud=
e=2E This=E2=80=99s a
smartie here!
C=E2=80=99est-a-dire she=E2=80=99s so bright that of course she knows
wheth=
er or not
she can morally f_ck
with a cracker like such! This is an obvious moral giant you=E2=80=99re
dealing with--she=E2=80=99s not
unethical I tell you! It=E2=80=99s ALL GOOD! Just take my word for it! You
don=E2=80=99t need to do your
own thinking! Good Christ! Mother of God!
It also meant: It=E2=80=99s hard enough being her without the likes of
you
adding to her
afflictions!!!!!!
It also meant: Get this straight: you=E2=80=99re her kid!
He knew that people like the ghetto-dweller who unrelentingly mess
with the godly don=E2=80=99t
know the difference between right and wrong AND that she=E2=80=99s of an
inferior intellect, so
he was solicitous that she would falsely deem me the one who was being
rude and stupid
and that she=E2=80=99d get mad at me.
And he didn=E2=80=99t want her to realize that she was in the wrong and
thus
feel bad about
herself.
He also wanted to know for his own comfort that Whitey here didn=E2=80=99t
=
get
away scott free
with not treating some poor black victim of society with kid gloves
and moreover like
royalty.
Earlier that day, Joel told the sister that I said that Puerto Ricans
are a jinx race to all
white people and so he knew dern well that the momma was having me
tidy the pair of
pants so I=E2=80=99d be doing manual labor and exerting mental energy and
w=
as
being hostile to
make me mad at her; to take it upon herself to see to it that I get a
disciplinary action
measure/just-desserts for thinking what she mistook as a biggoted
opinion of mine and
for me thinking stupidly and lastly--to vent her disaproval, as though
I was her kid. He
also thought that I was too stupid to realize all of that and that I
thought that she was
being rude just because it struck her fancy, but has every right.
It=E2=80=99s not his beeswax if I don=E2=80=99t lick her butt.
In either the last days of March or in the middle of March, the ghetto
defendent* comes
up to me to tell me what department to work in and speaks to me with a
demeanor that
meant that she dislikes me personally and that was openly hostile and
she phrased her
sentence(s) rudely. So I said, =E2=80=9CI gotta ask to work less days.=E2=
=80=9D So
Bubblebutt enraged
yelled that if I want to work less days to ask in the office. As
Mammie was yelling at me,
Joel by happenstance stepped between us and I foreknew that he would
think that I have
to be submissive with a member of his race and so Soul Man
deliberately shook to use a
demeanor that was designed to display that I just insulted his
intelligence and then he lied
and explained to me that I keep saying that I=E2=80=99m going to work less
days and to get out of
his face. I never brought up me wanting to work less days before that
point in time. I can=E2=80=99t
be tricked into thinking that I=E2=80=99ve mentioned something significant
=
and
personal like that.
(I asked to work less days about a week or two later; maybe even a few
days later.) In
fact, if my memory serves me correctly, he might=E2=80=99ve even added
that=
I
so far haven=E2=80=99t
asked to have my scheduale waned.
Now, if he tells me to get out of his face due to a lie of his that he
just made up two
seconds earlier, well then he=E2=80=99s taking sides out of biasedness
beca=
use
he=E2=80=99s telling me to
get out of his face in indignation based on something he knows
isn=E2=80=99t
true to take sides.
Before that incident, Greg told me that Joel told Anne Marie that I
work because my
father won=E2=80=99t let me do nothing. When I was talking back to a
fellow
black person and one
that=E2=80=99s unusally pathetic (fat as a hippo, a fourth-world
immigrant,
dumb like a
seven-year-old, a drudge, a non-have, destitute, unskilled, a ghetto
mama (facially and
bodily, you would see with your eyes that her offspring tally is a
high number. it=E2=80=99s
ineffable how I know this and how I know that you would know this
too), one lucked-out,
whose maleducated, a deadender etc.), then I conveniently can=E2=80=99t
aff=
ord
to have more days
taken off my three-day-a-week scheduale, but one picosecond before
that, I can well
afford to be totally unemployed. If I was only working three days a
week, that=E2=80=99s a clue
that I might be able to swing working less days. He knew that my
father payed my bills
and that I have a six-figure inheritence. He just wanted me to be
morally and
intellectually in the wrong and for firstly her and then secondly me
to be under that
impression.=E2=80=A0
Now, he bared witness to a previous time which she was rude to this
writer unprovoked
and knew there could very well be other times he wasn=E2=80=99t privy too
a=
nd
that there probably
were. He heard at least one firsthand acount of her f_cking with Alton
like a lightning
bolt out of a clear blue sky. Joel had worked at the store a month
longer than me and was
a full-timer and thus was around more and so he probably witnessed her
antagonizing and
loudly screaming at people just for standing near by her and heard
more tell of her doing
those types of things, like I did (after all, people talk), but still
thought that even if that
was the three hundredth time, none of this is to be taken into account
since she=E2=80=99s a black
sad sack and because they used to not have equal rights.
He was trying to make a monkey out of me and piss me off out of
vengence for making
her life even more unpleasant than it already was.
If she=E2=80=99s nasty to me and I answer her back, that=E2=80=99s between
=
her and me
and that=E2=80=99s nobody
elses beeswax.
In May 1988, about a week and a half before I quit my job, I asked
Anne Marie if I would
get my vacation pay if I quit my job and then she yelled, =E2=80=9CWhen
are
you gonna quit? As
effective when as effective when?=E2=80=9D while shaking her head
violently
from side to side and
sounding like and looking like a little kid who=E2=80=99s jealous of
another
little kid for telling her
that his daddy is going to buy him a brandnew bicycle. Then, she
lowered her head and
pouted with her eyes mostly shut and whined, =E2=80=9CYou want me to find
o=
ut
for you?=E2=80=9D
The reason that 40-something could spend like 17 seconds very
blatantly giving vent to
her jealousies like that and not contemplate that Joel, Greg and me
(and anyone else who
might=E2=80=99ve been around) would definitely all read her is because
she=
=E2=80=99s
of an inferior
intellect and thus has no insight into people.
Chris Stills once imitated the middle-ager violently throwing her head
from side to side in
that same tempo whilst antagonizing him without provocation out of the
blue on a whim
hostilely and confrontatively (sp.?). He recited some stupid juvenile
sh_t that would come
out of the mouth of a six-year-old and in what was pretty much the
aforementioned voice,
but more malicious and with no jealousy. No one whose hit twelve
speaks with a voice
like that and it=E2=80=99s always used for antagonizing other children.
This
was in March of 1988,
so I forgot what he said that she said.
A few days later, I asked Joel why he thinks that she yelled at me
just for asking her if I=E2=80=99d
get my vacation pay if I quit. Not because I have the mind of a four-
year-old and did not
know the reason and thought that to get to the bottom of it, I could
go to him--like he=E2=80=99d
not be a biased source whatsoever, but out of curiosity to see if he
would lie to me and
tell me that she was yelling at me because she thinks that I owe it to
society to not have an
easy time of it seeing as though ever since the beginning of time,
about 100% of all young
able-bodied men such as I have worked like a beaver and so I am
morally bound to for the
purpose of perpetuating the ritual and that because young men are
physically the strongest
out of everyone and that because the hard work of men is the
fundamental building block
of our society, that I am not well within my right to be out of work
on purpose and are not
yet master of my destiny; not until I have many many many many many
many many many
=E2=80=9C =E2=80=9C =E2=80=9C =E2=80=9C =E2=80=9C more adult years tucked
u=
nder my belt, but female people can
get to be
unemployed all they damn please if they don=E2=80=99t have to earn a
livlih=
ood
because (1) they=E2=80=99re
the weaker *** and also because (2) it=E2=80=99s not the norm for them to
be
the breadwinners and
that I don=E2=80=99t have Aunt Jemima=E2=80=99s smarts, therefore I am so
w=
et behind
the ears that I won=E2=80=99t
foreknow like she can that the peanuts I=E2=80=99d be earning will
massively
improve my life
some day and that the standing around the store with a finger up my
ass like 90 percent of
the time and that the occassional tidying up for a few fleeting
seconds is gonna help to
shape me and is teaching me the meaning of responsibility and is being
industrious and
that I=E2=80=99d be picking up new skills which so far were not in my job
description and that will
only be in it if I stay on, so I don=E2=80=99t have a clue what they are
and
neither does he, but
they=E2=80=99ll surely be for real.
So on that note, he effected a matter-of-fact/knowing/peremptory/
totally confident
expression and with a voice to match, said, =E2=80=9C[m]aybe she thinks
tha=
t a
young man like
yourself should be working=E2=80=9D and while he was telling me this, he
exaggerated the shape
of his lips making them pucker like a fish and bugged out his eyes to
be matter-of-fact
and declarative. Then, he purposely made a tight mouth to be even more
matter-of-fact
and authoritative and left the expression on his face. This is usually
always an effected
expression that people use when they=E2=80=99re trying to demonstrate that
something is _a
certainty_.
Also, his expression, tone, body languages and lastly his sentence,
were increadibly
respectful. They were meant to trick me into drawing the conclusion
that she=E2=80=99s proved to
him over and over and over and over and over and over that she=E2=80=99s
highly intelligent and
highly moral and thus he=E2=80=99s got nothing but respect for this woman
a=
nd
rightfully so.
And it meant: Well I=E2=80=99m pretty sure she thinks you=E2=80=99re
stupid=
and
amoral, but even if she
doesn=E2=80=99t, I sure as heck do.
He also seemed protective.
=E2=80=98Maybe she thinks that a young man like yourself should be
working=
=E2=80=99
was meant to turn it
around by apprising me that she=E2=80=99s smart and moral and that
I=E2=80=
=99m stupid
and amoral. I.e.,
that the two of them subscribe to the theory that I was taking
liberties with my life
because the action of me turning 18 and thus no longer being a minor
is PRECISELY
what makes me like a 6-year-old playing hooky from school because upon
me becoming
of legal age, I--by default--now have the societal obligation to
uphold the integrity of
menfolk and I=E2=80=99m a representative of them and must ape their
lifeways
and
thought-processes and that there=E2=80=99s a tacit rule that young men
can=
=E2=80=99t
live a soft life and I=E2=80=99ll
be a social rebel if I do. After quitting, I would thereby compound
the above- and
below-referenced transgressions via each incident of me resting and
taking part in
rip-roaring funfests and my puttering routine and good ol=E2=80=99 cigar
chomping and when I=E2=80=99m
awake and about late in the night. Our species has been in existence
for 170 thousand
years and in all this time young men didn=E2=80=99t shun hard work and so
w=
ho
am I to break with
such a stretch. I should bust a gut to pay my respects to them and
I=E2=80=
=99m
doing wrong by the
living as well. That is, I have to live a bad life in order to give
them a big thumbs up, to
tip my hat to them. I have no right to be having a grand time while
there are children
starving in Banglesh! I don=E2=80=99t respect humanity. I=E2=80=99m a blot
=
on folks=E2=80=99
work-history. I ought
to show solidarity too (that would be nice).
Plus he was trying to make me jealous of her by tricking me into
thinking that I=E2=80=99m her
intellectual inferior and so she knows better than me about whether
the pittance I=E2=80=99d be out
will do me such good that I should stay on and that I=E2=80=99d now
forthwi=
th
be thinking that if
you give me enough rope, I=E2=80=99ll hang myself. He was also putting his
hopes into a
preconceived belief or suspicion that I might have about how only
these lucky stiffs who
possess female body parts have the right to rest and fun all the time
because throughout
history women got to get looked after by men and that he=E2=80=99d be
giving
me some more
validation of this and if he=E2=80=99s really lucky--cement it in my mind.
Thus lastly, I=E2=80=99d be
ashamed by my brandspanking ****ney new opinion about how I=E2=80=99m both
stupid and
amoral; which is good to do since that clouds the issue and ****fts my
thoughts away from
what they were three seconds earlier.
Also, if she were a beautiful woman, a professional, upper-middle-
class, college educated
and came from a prominent or affluent family, he would have still
defended her, but not
so vehemently.
She=E2=80=99s black and so he took such undue pity on her sad sorry ass
for
twenty- or
thirty-something reasons; having an income not just below the poverty
level, but also an
abnormal one (i.e., compared to other poor people), she=E2=80=99s a
have-no=
t,
she was born poor
and so not only has she been poor her whole life, but she=E2=80=99s of
_peasant stock_, for coming
from some stupidass rinky-dink bumblef_ck fourthworld lowlife
economically
underdeveloped run-down rural backwards country (Trinidad or Jamaica
etc. has no
high-tech equipment), because she works like crazy, she does manual
labor, for her
holding down two or three lowlife jobs and how she would go from one
right to the other
and thus worked unusually long hours, she only had one day a week off
and that=E2=80=99s
probably stretching it (I=E2=80=99d bet you a steak dinner I=E2=80=99m
over=
guessing.
that is, her one day a
week off was like for one out of every eight weeks (Jamaicans work
numerous jobs at
once)), is uneducated, unskilled, a no-hoper, she=E2=80=99s an obese
disgusting sow, her ancestors
were slaves, his people used to be repressed up until the 1970s and
from time to time, still
are, she is a victim of society (because not enough years had elapsed
from the time his
people got emancipated for the bulk of them to no longer be a poor
race and plus there=E2=80=99s
always the chance that she wouldn=E2=80=99t be poor if her father or
grandfather wasn=E2=80=99t personally
discriminated against in some particular way) because Jamaicans are
mostly all poor, in
the 1980s blacks were still pretty much an underclass here in America
and they are
worldwide, she=E2=80=99s been the brunt of biggotry (like getting talked
do=
wn
to in jive AND with
a black Southern accent no less, segregated housing, turned down for a
promotion at
work, she very well might=E2=80=99ve noticed shopkeepers fisheying her and
security guards
following her all around stores and malls like a shadow, was called a
the N-Word), she=E2=80=99s dumb
like a seven-year-old, inferior morally, lived in squalor, in her neck
of the woods she was
in constant danger and living precariously (stray bullets, muggings
gone horribly awry),
she was an unhappy woman, she=E2=80=99s lead a long bad stupid life and a
l=
ife
of need, is
scraping to get by and to such an extent that she has what the Bush
Administration
euphemistically refers to as _food insecurity_1, she lived from each
paycheck to the next,
God=E2=80=99s been a-blitzing hard knocks directly unto her ass and
closest
fambly members,
she=E2=80=99s a failure, a zero, and because there was this overall
patheticness to her that you=E2=80=99d
have to see to understand. But I will try to describe it anyway. You
just know that this
woman was the type to have lost her house in a hurricane or something.
If it weren=E2=80=99t for
bad luck, she=E2=80=99d have no luck at all.
He mistook her for a distant relative and thought of her as a tribal
member because
they=E2=80=99re minorities.
Anne Marie is the embodiement of what stereotypical blacks are to the
uninitiated and
possesses some of the charactor flaws that are stereotypes because
they=E2=80=99re confirmed
truisms. Namely, she=E2=80=99s angry and bitter, bombastic, wild, loud,
mean
(AKA =E2=80=9Cblack
rage=E2=80=9D), poor, uneducated, unskilled labor, stupid, sassy, bossy,
do=
o-
ragged and grossly
obese.
Thusly, Joel suspected that I already thought either some, most or all
of these things about
her and that she was giving me much more fodder to substaniate my
opinion and that she
was making his people look bad and was an embarrassment.
He felt empathy for her because it ain=E2=80=99t easy being black. And he
f=
elt
a bond with her
because of it.
I was ganging up on her because white people outnumber black people 12
to 1 and so he
stepped in to make the odds 12 to 2.
Also Joel would have me believe that she=E2=80=99s a good egg and
therefore
cares about me so
dearly that the thought of me making a little boo-boo in my life sent
her into an
uncontrollable rage and made her go crazy--she just couldn=E2=80=99t help.
=
It
was very nice of her
to yell at me like that. She=E2=80=99s black and poor and can do no wrong.
The truth is that she didn=E2=80=99t want me to have the luxury of
relaxing
and to find the path to
fun and to get to be in my home so often and to live that happy of a
life and to have the
financial means to. So he turned it around and told me that she cares
for me and wants
what=E2=80=99s best for me.
Every time Hard Luck Woman=E2=80=A1 screams her stupid head off at
someone,
tuants them,
gets up in their bidness, flexes on them, tries to subjugate them
etc., she thus earns even
more of a right to do it again if it=E2=80=99s to non-blacks because
she=E2=
=80=99s
demonstating to Joel that
she=E2=80=99s morally inferior and is too dumb to have ever learned right
f=
rom
wrong, so he has to
take her side because he doesn=E2=80=99t want her mark to know the truth
ab=
out
her and because
he felt sorry for her due to him realizing that her morals and I.Q.
are not up to snuff and
he thinks it=E2=80=99s f_cked up that she has nothing going for herself,
and
that it=E2=80=99s a given that
she had to have been discriminated against one time in her life, so
he=E2=80=99d try to prove to
yours truly, to her and to himself that she can; in order to do her
the solid of garnering
royal subjects and power for her.
If some black guy in Mobile Alabama on his way to an orphanage to hand-
deliver quilts
gets pulled over in his car by a state trooper, this gives Anne Marie
a little more of a right
to f_ck with whites. So too if she had beat cancer.
Joel concluded that due to her coming from a really poor family and
quite possibly the
poorest of the poor or at best--pretty dern close to it, that her
being a pauper, her not
having anything going on, thems people having had less rights than ALL
other races and
thus once being second-class citizens, still getting the short end of
the stick from time to
time and still being oppressed occasionally, that since too many of
his people are poor
and lower-middleclass and workingclass for his taste, that due to her
future being around
as black as her skin thus she gotta rough row to hoe, that since they
were slaves not all
that long ago, and because of how her homeland happens to be
impoverished,
underdeveloped and tiny, and since she doesn=E2=80=99t have nice things,
th=
at
all this made her
like royalty and that she=E2=80=99s my royal highness and that ALL of
planet
earth is the realm of
her royal colony as far as whitie here is concerned; because he wanted
this ghetto princess
to not only have a leg up on me, but to have a little something going
for her
underprivledged self. Also me coming from a monied family made me her
social inferior
in Joel=E2=80=99s eyes.
She has the right to be the most abusive to whites.
I once told Joel that a manager at a job that I had at a Wendy=E2=80=99s
us=
ed
to mess with me and
that I=E2=80=99d answer him back some of the times, but not all of the
times
and so Joel told me in
an authoritative tone that I should have answered him back all of the
times. Joel thinks
that I shouldn=E2=80=99t allow the guy at Wendy=E2=80=99s to get away with
=
treating me
unkind even once,
but that I cannot even so much as click my teeth at Anne Marie when
she did--not even
after the umpteenth time.
In January or possibly February 1988, twice Joel told me that it was
none of my father=E2=80=99s
business that I was only working part-time because I=E2=80=99m a grown man
=
and
I can do what I
please. But Anne Marie is a black peon and one that=E2=80=99s a born
loser,
doesn=E2=80=99t have a nickel
to her name, a blundering inefficient nothing, a bluecollar-stiff,
lives a hard life and
comes from a poor family and is a shrew, therefore it=E2=80=99s her place
to
take disciplinary
action with me, abuse me with her voice, hurt my ears, to scream at me
as a _teaching
tool_ to better emphasize her logic, undermine me, reprimand me, have
a temper tantrum
with me, blow her stack, lecture me, shove her opinion down my throat
and tell me off if
she doesn=E2=80=99t admire how I plan on living my life and why. In that
particular case of her
yelling at me, I=E2=80=99m not adult enough to be on my own time, but four
months earlier, i.e., in
January, I was.
Blacks used to be the legal chatel of whites, the free ones--second-
class citizens, so the
roles are reversed now ... it=E2=80=99s only fair.
The black lady was behaving unbelievably like a small child. Because
it=E2=80=99s juvenile to be
jealous over that, let alone insanely jealous, to try to get even with
me just for that, to be
so petty, to yell over it, to throw a temper tantrum if something gets
to her, to speak with
such kidlike voice inflections and facial expressions, to phrase her
sentences specifically
how she did, to be a full-fledged adult who didn=E2=80=99t have the wisdom
=
to
know that me, Joel
and Greg and anyone else who could have been around all would read
her. She was like
50. Maybe older. That was ALL very unbecoming of Anne Marie. So ... he
had to turn it
around. C=E2=80=99est-a-dire, to intimate that I=E2=80=99m the one who=E2=
=80=99s not adultish--
by giving me to
understand that I=E2=80=99m a tabula rasa and (1) am about to
unintentional=
ly
ruin my life whenas
he secretely agreed that I=E2=80=99d really be making it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay (and so on) better and so too would my potted
plant and (2) I don=E2=80=99t
know that it=E2=80=99s my gender role to earn money or volunteer in
humanitarian service
programs or make a life out of being a student, and having to have
your way all the time
is a baby thing, I couldn=E2=80=99t tell you the difference between how
grownups and children live
their lives, I think life is so lovely like a bowl of cherries,
I=E2=80=99m
like truent from a school,
spoiled rotten, not serious-minded and have nary a clue what to take
seriously and if
someone told me what to, I=E2=80=99d either peg them as incorrect or not
gi=
ve
a f_cking f_ck one
way or the other. Also, it went without saying to him and her that I
nould be reading
Relativity: The Special and the General Theory, nor War and Peace.
I=E2=80=
=99d
be listening to
rock and rap, chasing skirts, watching NWA wrestling, The Mod Squad
and Mork &
Mindy reruns, napping, kickin=E2=80=99 it with my homies, skateboarding.
Not
only was he trying
to make me think I=E2=80=99m getting a little long in the tooth, he was
try=
ing
to make me make the
leap that such hedonism perpetrated by young males barely into
adulthood is naughty
behavior which merits a spanking.
He kept intimating.
The soul brother was trying to manipulate my thoughts by making me
think that by me
dropping my responsibilities at ____ that I was being irresponsible
even though I didn=E2=80=99t
have to chip in twopence for my rent, my medical or utility bills and
even though I used
to go over to my aunt=E2=80=99s house once a week for big bags of staples
a=
nd
occassional gifts
and even though she bought me tokens or gave me money to buy them
myself and money
to pay my super, locksmiths, barbers, for Christmas tips to hand out
to the workers in the
building I lived in etc. etc. and bought me everything I need (e.g.,
fire escape gates,
tinfoil, dog food, air conditioners, a stereo, film), because there=E2=80=
=99s
always the chance that I
might mix up the gray of (1) me fixing it so I don=E2=80=99t have
responsibilities with me being
irresponsible and (2) avoiding jobs the same as I=E2=80=99d avoid a
300-lb.
black man with a knife
in his hand out of laziness, fun-mindedness, avarice, self-seekingness
(which was
supposed to be confused with selfishness), a lack of serious-
mindedness and immaturity,
that this would make me falsely conclude that I=E2=80=99m irresponsibe
beca=
use
people who
possess these charactor flaws screw up at things they are obliged to
do or don=E2=80=99t even try to
do them at all, so I might not have the brains to know that if I
don=E2=80=
=99t
have to reimburse my
aunt one little pubic hair for my dog=E2=80=99s vet bill, that I=E2=80=99m
=
not
behaving irresponsibly--seeing
that the bill gets paid and that (3) I might think that due to the
fact that since time
immemorial, that because young men have always done a lot to make sure
their family is
provided for etc. and that since the hard work of adult males is the
glue that holds society
together, I could mistakenly come to the opinion that I=E2=80=99ve got to
b=
ust
ass to help out AND
to salute them, to pat them on the back and be like Good job there
fellers, mucho gracias,
to pay tribute to those killed off by the Black Plague and to the
residents who lost their
homes in the great Chicago Fire and to the good and the evil and to
the common foot
soldier and to the humble of birth, AND--last of all--just for
appearance sake.
He was hoping that I=E2=80=99d make the connection that since I=E2=80=99m
a=
lazy fart,
a funster, and
overly desirous of off-time, that I must be avaricious, and that since
me looking out for
myself is a self-interest, that I=E2=80=99d confuse it with selfishness,
fr=
om
there, I=E2=80=99d falsely deem
myself coldhearted, remorseless and that since all these are flaws and
thought to be sins,
I=E2=80=99d peg myself a sinner and that I=E2=80=99d also peg myself
selfis=
h for not
caring that I=E2=80=99m not
respecting the lifeways of men who are young, society=E2=80=99s rules and
people=E2=80=99s mores.
He was trying to make me feel bad about how I don=E2=80=99t take a
masculine
approach to
things.
She suffered at the hands of other races enow. It=E2=80=99s got to stop!
It occurred to Joel that I was angering her at a bad place she=E2=80=99s
st=
uck
at as yet another
consequence of being a black victim of society=E2=80=99s ills and due to
the
bulk of blacks not
having been affluent even before A.D. 1619.
*1. Greg used to complain to me that Anne Marie kept asking him to buy
her 40-cent
bagels.
NOTES
* Ghetto Defendent: Popular song sung by The Clash.
=E2=80=A0 Joel knew that I was genuinely planning on quitting my job at
the
time I asked Anne
Marie if I=E2=80=99d get my vacation pay if I quit (and I did about a week
later), yet not too long
before that, he made out like I cannot financially afford to work a
few days less at my
part-time job. This is because jack-diddley-sh_t had to do with it
reflecting very poorly on
some black knucklehead. If I am having a dispute with a black, they=E2=80=
=99re
automatically right
and I=E2=80=99m automatically wrong.
=E2=80=A1 Hard Luck Woman: A song by the American hard rock band Kiss,
originally released
on their 1976 album Rock and Roll Over.
|
