1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to
beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you
can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon
"unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bulletproof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against..
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives
in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than
setting off roadside bombs.
9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your
cave."
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own a
couple.
11. You bathe almost monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
