Following is an English-translated transcription of the text of Mr.
Yang's animated speech on May 4 at the Jinguling Temple in Chowchowfu,
Kwangtung Province.
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THANK YOU ...
Tonight, I wish to impart some thoughts that have beleaguered my mind
for some time. Specifically, I will discuss the growing hostility
among China's great and superior trading partners over sub-standard,
poisonous, unsafe, and harmful products that our humble-but-feisty
nation ex****ts to unsuspecting, trusting, and highly civilized nations
like the United States and the countries of the European Union.
I have during the past three months received from my religious
counterparts in many areas of the globe re****ts of sickened toddler
children who have been poisoned by lead in Chinese-made toys, eating
and drinking implements, and items of clothing. This I find
unacceptable and unconscionable coming from a nation such as ours
which aspires to world honor, acceptance, and well-shaved armpits.
This is especially embarrassing to us as a people who take as much
pride in our quality products as we do our control of personal body
odor.
Moreover, I have here before me several governmental re****ts from the
U.S. state of Texas, and from France and Germany, detailing receipt of
tainted food products such as fish and pet food that have caused
illness and death in both humans and animals. There is nothing more
saddening to a pet owner than the death of a faithful and edible pet.
Generic prescription medicines of Chinese manufacture have caused much
sickness among patients in the West, including hebejebees, clap, and
Saint Vidas' Dance. This must stop. Not the dance, but the sickness.
Additionally, I have read re****ts of appliances that caused electric
shocks, tires that were manufactured with pin- holes and cardboard
treads, plus adult and child's overcoats made of dioxin-laden
materials that are proven carcinogens. Cancer is not funny, as you
might suspect.
We are on the brink of our much-anticipated Olympic Games. We have
been and are protective of our op****tunity to demonstrate to the
entire world how advanced and hospitable and friendly we are. For
example, our professional young ladies have been indoctrinated and
disinfected so they can provide the comfort that visiting American and
European politicians expect.
But we simply can't do business as usual in trade and commerce if our
products say to the world, "God damn China!"
I say each of us must become caretakers of China's reputation and
legacy if we wish to be embraced by our world neighbors. We should
awaken each day with a firm determination to improve our manufacturing
and packaging processes so that when China's products are received and
opened and ingested abroad, the recipients will not shout, "God damn
China for sending us more garbage!"
We simply have to cut down on the amount of garbage we send overseas!
For those of you with relatives in the Western Provinces, tell them
their food shortages may be over.
I have conferred with our most loved and liberal President and our
genuine goosey father the Prime Minister, who agree that we should
institutue strong measures to ensure quality and safety in all we
produce.
Therefore, starting tomorow, May 5, our glorious army soldiers who are
not honorably serving in smelly, rodent-harboring Tibet will be
processing re****ts of all known and detected malpractices in
manufacture and construction that fail to meet the highest standards
of quality control and poison monitoring.
Those workers and managers found to be bypassing or ignoring our
standards will be subjected to painful retraining and dietary reform
methods that are aimed at improving personal responsibility and pride
of nation.
That way, hopefully, we will never again hear that stinging rebuke,
"God damn China!"
Thank you, most assuredly.
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