Well, first things first: I hope you're still about, that you have
the
kit to read this, that you aren't offended by my use of the word
"friend" and that you realise I've not heard a thing of you since
you stomped off on me.
I don't really recall discussing you much with anyone. So if you
have heard different then, well maybe you've been lied to too.
And that goes double if you've had re****ts of defamatories from
my lips.
So, no, you're not somebody I've ever addressed a note to on
the old on-line before. Let's get that clear.
As I suppose you may have noticed if you've seen aught I've
stuck up I'm still finding my feet, my voice, my interests and
my subjects. Some of it works but maybe the biggest thing
to really grasp has been to understand my expectations of what
I can do, what I want to do.
The people who told you I was into writing back then, well, they
weren't lying, as such, merely truncating. I'd made it quite to
clear to anyone with whom I engaged in serious discussion on
the matter that I didn't foresee being any good anyway until I'd
rather more life experience than I had back then. And I'm still
not satisfied I've enough.
Yeah, maybe you are psychic. All I know is apparently enough
people believe I am that I ought to consider the possibility; and
that I'm in a "phase" where I am. And plenty of people don't think
this obviously. Only there's plenty of people I've sensed that, in
the event, couldn't've been you. I trust you'll understand that now.
I'm still concerned at what you stomped-off thinking. You took
it all a bit personally. It wasn't the right time for me to work with
anybody, AFAIC. The other side of it is that you really won't be
the first or last to fall for the vanity press blather. It's a long
time
back and I don't recall what you said word-for-word--you may've
indeed checked them out and they weren't.
If that's the case then perhaps you could give me a clue as to
your nom-de-plume somehow?
The misgivings were over my abilities, and also over what was
on my own horizons in terms of computers weren't the norm
then and I certainly didn't have one. And I knew I wasn't going
to be sticking around my "home" town. It never occurred to me
in the few minutes I had to think in before I offended you that
you might have been willing to move in order to collaborate.
And the hours I was working if I remember the time-slot, and
the amount of writing I hadn't done already, and the standards
I hadn't lived up to.
Oh yeah, some people had used my ideas. And, actually, now
I look back at how good some of them were? they should've paid
me. That goes double when you read the Releases. But by the
same score I think I may have been represented to you as having
done more than I had, particularly where the sythesising of it into
coherent plausible narratives was concerned.
But whilst that's although the graft of it, the reason Rover went
belly up in the first place was that the components didn't fit
together, so no matter how good a production line it was, the
cars were still **** for a while there.
It's not an anything. And it's not something I dwell on. But you
are on my mind tonight as I write. If you've had the success
you went off saying you would then tip me the nod as to who
you are. Otherwise you can see where I'm at. So highly skilled
no office wants me. And sick of having to dig my heels in to
avoid the risk of having the choice of perjuring myself or losing
my license if it comes to it--for the sake of half a ****ing hour
at minimum wage.
But as far as writing goes, it does grant a certain freedom: from
cor****ate confidentiality clauses, proprietorial politics, contractual
obligations, deadlines in ideas-droughts, and plenty of time to
think and then write later. And that's only in relation to the kinds
of writing I thought writing was about back then.
And I still can't help wondering whether anyone who steals ideas
would be worth collaborating with in the first place, as it seems
a pre-occupation of the poacher-***-gamekeeper mindset to fear
it. But clearly you were better than I am already back then, and
some people who fear would do that to them came looking for
me for that very same end, and so hence they may want work
with you.
But I'm telling you--I've some idea what you thought I was thinking
but my reservations were far more to do with knowing myself.
And thanks for the offer back then. There haven't been that many
you won't know who you are. Just do accept that some of the
other reasons I did hold back did, indeed, come to pass--as you
may have heard.
G DAEB
COPYRIGHT (C) 2007 SIPSTON
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