Lister <fache@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in
news:b21f04l96i8v28h5rdurs6j3d46clqjvi7@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> How would you design an 80s flat? like wallpaper and stuff :)
I don't think you'd get this stuff down your local B+Q nowadays, so don't
get any ideas. I'm going to go with the bedroom first of all.
Aaaaanwyay, wallpaper, as you state, is the most im****tant, and in the
1980s it should be the best decorated room in the house. Make sure you
have a nice mix of black, grey, white and red in there, possibly with
zig-zags in there too.
A Ferrari poster is preferable, but not essential. Red. Failing that, a
Knight Rider poster.
The bed should be one of those metal types, with a headboard in a semi-
circle shape. Black painted metal.
Duvet should match the wallpaper.
ALL Windows should have venetian blinds. Black / navy blue if possible.
Front room should have the stupidest looking leather sofa known to man.
Not just any colour though. You'll have to go for cream leather.
In the corner, the largest hi-fi possible, with records stacked nearby,
preferably in shelves just above the unit. (note: if you're seriously
considering this, I'd put that "Nelly The Elephant" one near the bottom
of the pile. Ugly speakers are a necessity.
On the subject of music, always leave a walkman on a table. In full view.
For that extra effect, leave half a pack of duracells and a well-worn C-
90 nearby too. The walls in here should be decorated with woodchip,
painted brilliant white, several times.
A mirror is essential, on the wall, above the fireplace (obviously, in a
flat, that might be difficult, but you get the idea) but a mirror with
some type of transfer on it. Maybe the Marlboro logo.
Bathroom... as plain as you can make it, with the exception of
fluorescent towels and brightly coloured soap. Always leave a "Frankie
Says" T-****rt on top of your linen basket, just in case anyone has a peek
in there. Make sure the linen basket is wicker. Make sure you buy those
stupid mats that go around the sink / toilet too, and make sure they
match the towels.
Kitchen... Wood cladding. Everywhere. Replace the sink if you can't get
the wood cladding to fit. In fact no, forget that. Chequered tiles. Black
and white. Consider a serving hatch between the kitchen and the living
area if at all possible. One single fluorescent tube shall light the
kitchen, none of this spot/downlighting bollocks. Cool White colour if
you can get it. Not sure whether they make those any more. Make sure a
chip pan is always on display, still full of PROPER LARD, with the mesh
basket submerged in it. Frying pans can also be used, though with less
dramatic effect. These items should never be cleaned (mould permitting).
A magazine rack. Dried flowers, Heavy, heavy curtains. Noise activated
dancing flowers wearing sungl***** (if you're going for the late 80s
look.
For that extra effect, never EVER use air freshener. Your flat should
always have the aroma of burger and chips, no matter how clean it is. If
you are expecting guests (lol), make sure you have melted the lard in the
chip pan slightly.
Entertainment in the front room should be provided by a wood-venner
television, and a top loading video recorder. Bonus points can be awarded
by leaving the clock on the video to flash "12:00", as this will clearly
show a lack of knowedge regarding "new" technology. Similar to the afore
mentioned walkman, you should leave tapes lying about, with badly written
labels. Leave the one marked "FERGS TAPE" at the top of the pile, and
make sure it's written on there with big, thick permanent marker.
Carpets / flooring is, unfortunately, going to be area with my least
amount of knowledge, though I can't help but think carpet tiles would be
an advantage, obviously. Should you choose floor tiles in any room, make
sure you "chequerboard" the pile/grain/nap/whever you want to call it.
It'll allow your house to have that 1980s appeal of a Rediffusion shop.
Does anyone else have further sugestions?
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